Tissues are a Girl's Best Friend

If you're a woman, you know all about crying. Perhaps some of us are a little more experienced at it than others. That's why you won't see ME working as an emergency room nurse, counseling depressed people, or putting makeup on the dead. I consider myself an expert on the subject, crying, not putting makeup on the dead. It's just always come very easy to me, and now that I'm, ahem, older.....you would think I'd have a handle on it. Nope. When my girlfriend calls and wants me to go to a real "tearjerker" with her, I remind her of the "incident of 2004" where I had to be physically removed from the theater for sobbing uncontrollably. People threw popcorn at me! That's the last time I watch "Bambi". There are days when I can't get through a TV commercial without waterworks. I know the children need clean water, the animals need a good home, and we're depleting our forests.....where the Hell is that damned box of tissues? And will someone please turn off that television?! Tragedy struck the other morning....I emptied the vacuum canister onto the kitchen floor instead of the trash can....I had to run into the bathroom I was so distraught. More tragedy! Not enough tissues! I had to run around the house until I found some more, all the while becoming more hysterical. My husband had that look he gets like a mute deer caught in the headlights....wise to be mute. But, there is good news, besides that I'll be so old some day my tear ducts will just dry up, there is a sale on tissues at the local grocery store. All will be well again.